Just so we can live in our fiction,
The setting will be in a room with no exit.
The setting will be in a room with no exit.
BELLA ♥
Awkward is life.Singer for life, writer for passion, rapper by talent, fangirl by love.
Nocturnal.
2Jun, junhyungxseungho, Junseob, 87-line larve~
English, Chinese, Cantonese, Korean
HELL YEAH I'M AWESOME FULLSTOP END OF STORY.
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the past.
February 2009
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April 2009
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June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
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January 2010
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April 2010
May 2010
July 2010
October 2010
November 2010
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August 2011
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December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
June 2012
Saturday, June 2, 2012, 2:42 AM
happykid95
So, Cantabile has ended on a pretty awesome note and I enjoyed myself a lot; and that's what's important.The next one in my list to tick off is really Czech and words can't even describe my excitement which kind of explains my snail speed typing rn.
(or that might really be an after effect of a 2.37AM Saturday morning.)
Am damn hyped up about the trip (albeit having to chiong work like shit hell mugger kind when I return) and have packed most of my stuff.
Million thanks to luggage packer genius Mummy who is really great help. What would I do with my luggage without her.
And so found some time off to update because I feel guilty like shit for not updating for so damn fagging long and that is just morally incorrect to keep people waiting!
Haha at least I think so.
And was about 1/3 done with my research analysis for PW but kind of half gave up because I'm quite lethargic (no not really I'm just saying that because it's homework)
Hahaha will try to finish all computer-related homework before Czech (which is on Monday so impossible forever) except for PW of course GPP is a biatch.
Mary is coming over tomorrow to watch WTBA dvd with me tomorrow because good ol' me bought a good copy heheheheheheh ^^
NIGHTTSS GO WATCH DREAM TEAM.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012, 2:34 AM
Something known as melancholy.
Even though it's the holidays now I just feel very lethargic and extremely stressed out (something that happens rather frequently to me in O level days, only it's not even half as serious as O levels now and I'm practically ripping my hair out from my scalp)There is seriously too much to be done.
My mind is just whirling from words from the comments Project Work tutor has just provided us with. They are but a tornado of English words right now I can't even explain it.
Perhaps reading a teacher's one-oh-one ways of being anal at 2 am brings about effects like this to you.
Tomorrow is the choir concert! I am actually not very excited about it.
I'm actually more excited about Czech trip that is happening just about next week and I haven't packed yet (except for my winter stuff my mum insisted I put in the suitcase first)
Am probably just going to devote one whole day to pack or something.
Another less day to study.
Haven't been doing any work at all for the last few days and I have a Math tut lesson coming soon and I'm done with Curve Sketching yet.
FML REALLY.
I seriously need to get a life away from college but it just seems that I don't have any time for it at all.
This sucks.
And I don't even feel motivated to update and there aren't any nice fics to distract me from the various sad things in life.
Really.
I should probably wake up a little earlier tomorrow morning to chiong that Curve Sketching tut before going for lessons lest I get lectured by Mr Bek (which will be quite a sight)
And then wake up even earlier the next morning (or just stay up) to do up conics which I have not touched at all and am so screwed for life.
And then there's GSC that I am compelled to do but really just not now because my eyes are threatening to close and I'm yawning like nobody's business - even if it really is nobody's business.
Allow me to wake up at 8 tomorrow.
I should be feeling guilty for not doing any work so it's either I try to save my sorry ass or I just choose to sit there and weep and wallow about my pathetic life.
Sometimes I think I would be better off not coming to JC, but just the thought of being away from what I like to do deters me a little.
But no, I won't give up.
Cause Bella Poon just doesn't act that way, does she?
And also, I really like studying.
I'm really just ranting about PW which I still find absolutely unnecessary but compelled to do a good job because I want to get my A and so do my groupmates.
And speaking of which it does seem like I'm going closer to my choir folks and a little further away from my class peeps.
Sometimes I just get quite tired of socialising, being someone I'm not just so they don't judge you any further; but you know they still do anyway.
And because they're not going to stop passing judgements, perhaps I should stop trying to pretend like I care, because I don't, really.
So be that way - distance yourself away from me.
Make sure I keep clear away from you. Have a five metre distance from me.
cause I'm some epidemic right?
You guys are just... that.
You guys need to have a life, to grow up, to see the world, to experience some shit before you judge people. Before you think that girl is weird and arrogant and violent and aggressive and being a tyrant.
And quit pretending like you bother about her.
Because you never know, that behind that, is just a self-protection mechanism.
Because you have never gone through shit, you don't know how hard it is to bear the painful memories of your past in your heart, carved and etched so deeply they still bleed when you try to touch them.
To have not experienced the sheer torture from loneliness, from being ostracised, being hated, being ranted at, being abandoned, being thrown away without a valid reason, being so small and useless; like you aren't anything in this world.
And you try not to cry.
Because crying will only tell people that you're still weak.
Because crying will only make people think you're putting on an act. And until the end, I still care about people's judgements.
You spoilt children have to get the fuck out and see the cruel world.
See how people backstab you, like really. Not just some childish tattletale business. Like how they shove a knife into you and smile like it's nothing.
See how you get marginalised by your alleged friends - to call out for someone to wait for you, and looking as they ignore you and walk down stealthily on their own.
See how you're only important when your services are required.
See how you're gonna cope with some almost dysfunctional family with fucking strict house rules and tyrants lying all around attempting to lock you up in some cupboard and letting you barely survive.
Don't judge before you know me. You only think you know me.
But you don't know my scarred past, you don't see my pain, you don't understand that thousand slashes drawn across my mind behind that one insult I throw out to you.
Because I have came across worse, so much worse.
I don't want you to have the same experience, no. I am a bitch, yes.
But it stops there.
You can like me. You can hate. I am not interfering with your own opinions. But don't suggest to me that I shouldn't do this or that because it's mean of me, or because I'm morally incorrect.
Because if you haven't gone through shit, you would totally know all of morality.
And you haven't seen the immoral ones walking around me, acting like they can do anything to hurt you; and you won't ever attack back.
If I have insulted you, I apologise.
But if you give me a lecture on 'a thousand and three hundred ways why you shouldn't insult someone/me', all I can say is, screw yourself.
You are not the centre of the Earth. You are nothing, just like everyone else.
Don't expect too much and want me to follow what you believe in.
Trying getting half the shit I've had, experienced the reasons behind all my heart-wrenching tears, and perhaps you can comment on what I do, or how I do.
And so I've been distancing myself away as well (or the other way round, I don't know) and I feel guilty but I don't really want to change myself.
I just... I think I want to just sit there and think about myself, and reflect a little, and a few friends who won't ever judge me for what I do.
Unfortunately they just don't seem to be people coming out from my class.
Someone like me would probably live her life the best being left all alone with no friends.
Perhaps, that might aid me a little.
I am pain, tonight. A little depression, a little angst, a little frustration and confusion about myself.
Perhaps it's time to take a snooze and wake up tomorrow morning, trying to get some work done and maybe go for a run if time allows.
I need to clear my mind for a while.
I'm just really tired from all this, really.
Really.
Monday, May 28, 2012, 11:25 PM
Holidays week one!
So, holidays have finally arrived/sets off crackers and majestic music in the background
Hahaha yeah and it's about like the third day of the week (including the weekends) and I have done no work AT ALL.
I didn't expect myself to anyway hahahaha ^^
what is the point man.
Seriously have no concentration to update now that I'm back on TC and also waiting for Claire to be online on Skype I am mad I am mad.
And I have this shit pile load of clothes in my room waiting to be folded.
Okay wait my ears hurt Jae is playing the music too loudly owwwww.
Darn addicted to B1A4's Baby Goodnight these few days really it's damn cute heheheheheh.
Should seriously go and update or something.
Let myself feel a little useful.
AND OT6'S COMEBACK IS NEXT WEEK!
I AM IN CZECH.
AND THERE IS WIFI IN THE HOTEL.
So...
My life is still awesome nonetheless.
So darn hyped up for Czech!!
Mehhhh~
Ppyong.
Saturday, May 19, 2012, 2:58 AM
What is this.
Lecture tests are all over and GPP chionging is not in progress but we haven't completed it yet (which is like WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS)Managed to finish task one for the writing contest and seriously it was crap crap crap crap
I DON'T THINK I CAN GET TO THE NEXT STAGE.
hurhurhurhur okcan oh well~~
At least I am a zai synopses writer okay yes thank you berry berry much.
It's almost 3 am I can't believe I am still awake (and feeling very very thirsty) what is this
NOT VERY SLEEPY but I could use some rest because we are going for cultural mapping and I refuse to be treated like some tour guide when my sense of direction is zero totally.
Shall tell Sharmayne to at least know where the areas are because if you depend on me for anything all you're going to accomplish is get lost in Woodlands for one day.
Yeah, I am optimistic like that heheh.
Omg and Junhyung in Baek Jiyoung's MV is damn darn faggin hot this doesn't make sense at all.
(when will I find time to do my functions tutorial maybe I will do it when I return home tomorrow there isn't much to do anyway.)
Oh no there is the KI presentation thing that is seriously getting on my nerves gah.
And Mister Huang is leaving on Friday what is life.
(I want to eat Island Creamery cake all of a sudden)
Ice cream, really.
Shall go and steal some from the freezer later and sit there trying to watch Death Note without falling asleep halfway.
Mr Whitby and his constant distaste (not constant) for my inclination towards BEAST just because he saw their badges on my pencil case.
And starts a rant on how feminine they look - thus BEAST is a stupid name, and they should be called BEAUTIES (only he doesn't know the implications to that word /winks)
And about their hair, and how I have poor taste (thanks for nothing)
And I was slightly okay-ed because he reckoned that I could take a joke. (well, according to him I looked morally offended)
Kay so I was slightly offended but it's stupid to flare up because of your idols.
I mean, you have your preference and I have mine, so let's not argue and shake hands to make friends.
Thank you.
I am rather sleepy let me go grab that ice pop.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012, 12:47 AM
There is still a part of you I haven't lost.
So, it's basically 12.38am already and I shouldn't be awake on the laptop at least, and I feel really guilty because physical geog is Thursday and it's not exactly like I can go in there and bullcrap my way through.I am guilty maybe I should sleep at 3 to pay back for all this.
(not like I did anything constructive online anyways)
Today is a sad day because Yifeng has made me sing Tenors for Cui Dong Cui and Nigra and I'm like fml all the way I have to relearn everything over again
(my life)
But I am a depressing person and I can't believe I'm not typing a depressing fanfic/chapter right now because I am darn tempted to but geog and sleep daunts me forever.
And I failed my Maths Lecture Test (uhm yeah surprise forever right)
and we're getting our KI essays back tomorrow.
(I like calling KI as philo I think I sound cooler saying that)
Being eternally unable to do functions I think I am going to just die off in some dark corner where Maths does not exist.
I believe fully in a universe like that.
Where things we learn are actually... erm.
Useful.
Yes, that's the word.
I think I shall go and mug now instead of typing furiously here. Which is pretty much useless.
But life is useless anyhow, so no point talking yadayada about it.
And on a side note; something that is actually good news in a while, I got selected for the writing contest on AFF a while ago and am anticipating the prompt that they will give me.
Would love to write more - but that depends on whether I'm actually good at it when tasked with a topic.
Well, this is training, so why not.
/shrugs
SLEEP.
no, GEOG.
geh.
Jeon.
Labels: college, fatigue, school, sian, useless, writing
Monday, May 7, 2012, 12:02 AM
neck
Saturday, May 5, 2012, 11:31 PM
Still alive.
Yes, I am still alive.More or less.
(Okay I cannot concentrate on typing because Jae is singing in my ears at MBA's tinychat room hahahahah what is this)
I have no urge to do work nor update anymore.
What is this too.
I need some sleep but I have work tomorrow and I need to do homework. But Monday is a day off and I have Maths to pass up and I need to read my lit text.
fml let me go back to talking to pritzy and jae haha.